This weeks update is an accumulation of the last two weeks being here. I was actually sick last weekend. A sick James equals a rather negative and morbid James. Therefore, James did not see it fit to right an ‘encouraging’ blog update in such a condition. Apologies in advance for the long entry, when I get going, it is easy to just type out my mind as if it were a conversation.The practical components of the course have been very busy the last two weeks. We have been overwhelmed with a plethora of infectious diseases common in tropical countries. We have learned about urine testing, diseases associated with vitamin and mineral deficiencies just to name a few. It is so weird to hear about all of the diseases caused just by not eating enough, say, Vitamin A. I find that I am realizing daily just how much of my education and upbringing that I take for granted. I am also finding that day by day I am getting more and more excited for our outreach to Uganda in order to implement all that we are learning. So far, we have just confirmed a few weeks working in Northern Uganda in some Sudanese refugee camps.
Summer has finally hit England. The countryside truly comes alive with the sun. The tress FINALLY bloomed and their leaves are in full swing. It is also a great time of fellowship at the Kings Lodge here. Since the Lodge is rather big, it is easy to not see people – sometimes for days. But in the sun, everybody hangs out and does homework on out enormous front lawn. So I am getting to know people that I barely knew in a deeper level.
Spiritually, God is still doing a work in me. It sounds a bit funny, dare I say generic, to say such a statement. But every week God challenges me in something new. It is a nice pace for me. Slow enough so that I am not overwhelmed, yet weekly so there is always something that I am being challenged in.
The first challenge that I had (in Week 4) was about the future. Suffice it to say that I love to worry about the future. In fact, one could argue - myself included – that in the past I have ‘idolized’ my future plans. It is exciting to plan for the future. One thing that I had to lay down on coming to YWAM was my future. I had to give up my job and enter into a school with no financial certainty. Just before leaving Ottawa I applied to a job posting at Health Canada. This job appealed to me for numerous reasons. Firstly, it would allow me to return to Ottawa/Gatineau. As much as I have complained in the past, I feel that Ottawa is my new home and I actually really enjoy it now (‘gasp – did I just say that’). Furthermore, I feel that God has put Ottawa in my life for a reason; everytime that I go back to Ottawa, it is for a purpose that God does. Secondly, living in Ottawa, or rather Gatineau, would allow my to really work on my French. Finally, the job is actually just a really good job. I’m ranting so I will get back to the story. The job was a university recruitment posting. Therefore there were gonna be a load of new graduates applying (most likely more than 500). I applied on the whim that I was highly qualified for the post. I actually attended an information session on the job. At this session I asked about interviewing overseas etc. Basically I was told that it would be too much work to single out an applicant like that. In other words, if I were not in town at the time of interviews, I would probably be out of luck. Come a couple of weeks ago, I get an e-mail stating that I have been shortlisted for an interview (this means that I have passed two levels of the application already). However; dilemma seeing as I am in England!
My first reaction on hearing that I had an interview was not one of praise to God, but rather a reaction of stress. Immediately God pointed out this reaction. If God really wants me to get this job, in which I am highly competitive and qualified for, he will make it happen. After the instantaneous moments of stress I decided to begrudgingly give this to God. This doesn’t mean that I won’t act on asking questions etc. Rather it meant that my first reaction was to change from that of being stressed to one of giving, or submitting, this part of my life to God. Thankfully there are people here at the lodge who are willing to pray for you about anything. So I asked for some prayer (not only here, but back home too). If God really is God, then he will have a plan for my life that I am surprisingly willing to follow. It was so refreshing to give up the stress to God, to not have to worry about the future as I had in the past.
Needless to say, I e-mailed Health Canada, and they have agreed to conducting a phone interview. So I haven’t gotten the job just yet, which is something the people can please pray for, but I can be confident that God is presiding over this situation. If I don’t get the job then that is fine, likewise if I do get the job. The great part about the whole situation is that I now know that it is God that is in control. Therefore I do not have to worry about it like I would normally. It is in God’s hands. This is quite a relief.
The next thing that God has challenge me on (week 5) is being confident in who I am in Christ. I recall walking down the stairs past the bookshelf and seeing a book titled something to the likes of ‘Being stuck in the grips of Sin.” That is not the exact name of the book, but the central idea was one of us humans being innately evil and without hope. This ideology frustrated me because we Christians tend to always say how we are naturally bad and horrible beings only sanctified by Christ. That before Christ we were pure rubbish. Though this can be true from a theological point of view, it doesn’t jive well with me from a practical point of view. I am tired of thinking that as a human I was worthless and without any hope. This just isn’t true. Even though we were created in a state of sin, we were still created in God’s image. God has made us wonderfully and powerfully. Our bodies themselves testify to God’s greatness. Now, as a Christian I can be confident in who I am in Christ. This means that I can stop always getting down on myself for all of my faults. I am by no regards perfect – this is why I must rely on God’s continual renewing of me – but I am sanctified in God’s eyes. This whole idea really got me thinking about how we ought to, as Christians, not be walking in shame, but rather in confidence. We are God’s children, a new creation in whom God is pleased. This means God is pleased with me who I am at this moment in time. He won’t only be pleased with me when I have reached the goal that I strive for to be more like Him. No, He is pleased with me NOW. I can walk in confidence that God looks at me, right now, and is pleased. (am I repeating myself or what!) What a relief to accept this. I can still strive to be more and more like Christ. But I can walk in Victory knowing that I am right in God’s eyes.
